Bringing out the Best in Boys

“Often boys are treated like defective girls”
-Michael Thompson, author of Raising Cain

Does your boy have trouble sitting still in school?

Does his impulsiveness get him into trouble?

 

More boys than girls develop problems with:
Behavior
Paying Attention
Auditory Processing and Learning
Social Skills

 

Find out why, and what you can do to help, in Noël Janis-Norton’s DVD, Bringing Out the Best in Boys.

Boys are different – they are generally slower to mature than girls, intellectually, emotionally, and in their fine-motor skills. They are not less intelligent, and they will catch up, but in the meantime, school can be an unhappy place for boys who have not developed mature school success skills such as:

• Sitting still
• Following multi-part instructions
• Controlling impulses

Why boys’ differences are important:

Boys’ characteristics should not be automatically considered problems.  Physicality, impulsiveness, aggressiveness, and other “boy” traits can be assets in sports, and of course were advantages during most of human evolution. Now, unfortunately, the expectations of most schools do not align with these natural boy characteristics. This can make school a frustrating experience for active boys who are frequently “in trouble” for behavior that doesn’t mesh with classroom expectations. Boys' auditory and cognitive processing differences can make the situation worse – when teachers and textbooks don’t target content and delivery to boys’ actual level of understanding, boys will tend to shut down – or act out.

In Bringing Out the Best in Boys, Noël Janis-Norton explains specific ways that parents and teachers can help boys – and what they may unknowingly be doing that just makes things worse.

Not Helpful:

Focusing on the negative: lecturing and pointing out problems is not effective – although it’s often parents’ and teachers’ automatic response.

Helpful:

• Make a point of providing frequent opportunities for physical activity.
• Boys need quality, one-on-one time with the father or other adult male.
• Catch your son doing the right thing - look for even the smallest steps in the right direction and reinforce them with descriptive praise (read more about descriptive praise below).

Getting Started:

What are your family’s priorities? Do you want your boy to interrupt less?  Would you like to improve his ability to focus?   Noël’s goal is to provide you with the tools to implement your goals.

It is important for the adults in the home to decide together what behavioral goals you have for your son. A unified front is important - if one parent is not “onboard,” your son will perceive this, and it will be far more difficult to make changes.

In Bringing Out the Best in Boys, Noël Janis-Norton explains exactly how you can guide your son into more mature habits, using positive, effective techniques. Among the powerful strategies Noël shares are the five Foundation Skills of  Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting.

 

How you can use the Foundation Skills for Boys

Utilizing the five core skills of Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting, families can implement specific, positive and respectful strategies to address their boys’ issues, and help them become more cooperative, confident, motivated and self-reliant.  The five foundation skills can be used effectively with all children and teens, regardless of their age or developmental stage.

 

The Foundation Skills

1. Descriptive Praise -  the most powerful motivator and training tool.  Notice and comment on even the smallest steps your child takes in the right direction – or on the absence of negative behavior.  This is not evaluative praise, like “good job,” but might be, “You didn’t hit your brother when he teased you.”  Descriptive praise needs to be very specific.
2. Preparing for Success – be proactive instead of reactive.  Take the time to sit down and figure out what went wrong in the past.  Next time, instead of reacting to the behavior in the same old way, prepare for success in advance.  Ask the child leading questions about what would be the right thing to do in a situation and guide them to visualize the right behavior in advance.  “What can you do when someone pushes in line ahead of you?”
3. Reflective Listening – a way of responding when our children or teens are upset or annoyed – it is respectful and helps them get over their upset much faster because they know they have been heard.
4. Never Ask Twice – a powerful strategy to help children transition from one activity to the next. Learn how your body language and some specific calm language can gain your boys’ cooperation – the first time you ask.
5. Consequences and Rewards – Unlike the punitive “consequences” we tend to think of, an Action Replay is an example of a consequence that is positive and strongly reinforces the boy’s learning the right thing to do.  Rewards can be especially useful in overcoming resistance to learning a new routine.

 

You will find these five skills valuable not just for boys’ issues, but in many areas of family life.  Noël Janis-Norton has produced a Foundational Skills CD series explaining each one in depth and giving many examples of their use to help you make other aspects of parenting calmer, easier and happier.

Learn more about Noël Janis-Norton’s Bringing Out the Best in Boys DVD.